In “The Good, The Bad, And The Grace Of God,” Jep and Jessica Robertson open up about their romantic histories and marriage. Jessica shares about the difficult failure of her first marriage and behavior that followed its dissolution while Jep opens up about being molested as a child and having a problem with online pornography. The couple, who have four children, spoke to FOX411 about the book.
FOX411: Jep, you were angry at Jessica over relationships she had prior to going out with you.
Jep Robertson: I just think I had trouble dealing with my own past. I had a lot of trouble trusting people and so I definitely took that out on her. I’m ashamed and embarrassed about it. It definitely took some time to get over. That’s why we put it in the book. I think some people do the same thing and don’t even realize why they’re doing it. It was good for us to work through it and figure out why I was doing it.
FOX411: How much of that is from being molested?
Jep: Yeah I had a view of women in general… I guess I was more scared than anything and being scared made me not trust. It definitely showed later in life, it took me a while to figure that out.
FOX411: Were you nervous about going public with it?
Jep: Big time and at first we weren’t even sure I would write about it. It’s something powerful and it’s something I never really talked about with very many people at all. Not a lot of men talk about it and it happens quite often. We need to be able to come out and talk about it so it won’t happen again and for others who have gone through it, to be open and talk about it so they can move forward with their lives.
FOX411: Jessica, you say you felt pressured to get married the first time.
Jessica: I want girls, and really everybody, to know that they have a voice. I was such a people pleaser and I didn’t want to let anybody down or hurt anybody’s feelings and I definitely don’t want my girls to be raised that way. I want them to know that they have a voice and be able to come to me if they feel something’s not right.
FOX411: You also say that the first seven years of marriage was quite hard.
Jessica: It had moments of being hard. I know being a girl I take things deeper. For a good six years my past was weighing on me and it was hard for me to forgive myself of my past and the mistakes I made. It was definitely a struggle. All in all we’ve been really blessed because of all the brothers and sisters-in-laws in our lives and especially Al and Lisa. They counseled us when we needed it, any kind of struggle in our marriage, we knew we could go to them and they would give us the best advice. I knew they weren’t just going to take Jep’s side. Whenever we had troubles we just sought help. We decided we’d fight for our marriage. We definitely didn’t want it to end and have our kids separated between us.
FOX411: You write that when you discovered Jep looking at porn online you were ready to throw in the towel.
Jessica: Yeah I think during a lot of the struggles in the first seven years I’d think, “Well at least he only wants to be with me.” As a woman, once again, I felt like, “I’m not worthy to be loved, I’m not enough for you.” Those insecurities come back from even your childhood and teen years. As a woman that’s how I felt. I felt very disrespected and it was a very hard time in our marriage. Ultimately what really healed our marriage was like I had a bad time, if God can forgive me with my bad past why wouldn’t God forgive Jep over this? Even though it really hurt me deeply and it took me a couple of years to build up that trust again. But God restores and through time we definitely saw Him through it.
FOX411: It’s very common. How did you overcome it?
Jep: We went to a counselor and talked about it. A lot of my friends really helped because they came forward and said that they had been dealing with the same stuff and you’re right it’s super duper common and it’s just not a good thing. People say, ‘Oh it’s not a big deal’ but I think especially being married and having to go to some source like that to finding pleasure …the way it treats women and men, we don’t think it’s right. In a marriage you’re supposed to be with your wife and there’s no other room for anything else.
Jessica: We have three girls and a little boy and I definitely don’t want that to be a struggle. Unrealistic ideas of what a man and a woman do most of the time. And how a woman is supposed to look and act. I would never want another man to look at my daughters that way. I feel like it can spiral out of control. You’re right that it’s so common, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay.
FOX411: Did your marriage change when you put God first?
Jessica: Most definitely. If it weren’t for the grace of God, I don’t think our marriage would stay intact.
Jep: Big time and it’s easy to get clouded with what this world has to offer but it seems like every time we rely on God for strength and forgiveness. Things just tend to work out.
Leave a Reply